“Blind Spot” OR, “I Love You, BUT…”




A fatality occurs – a person is killed. The driver explains “I didn’t see them, they were in my blind spot.” Does this lack of seeing or lack of noticing make the action any less impactful in terms of its fatal consequences and lives upended? Regardless of intention, there is impact. Why is the driver suddenly positioning the person who lost their life, as the one to fault? Also, after hearing the driver’s defense of “not seeing/not noticing,” do we, as bystanders, then pretend the person wasn’t really killed, and that it is non-issue? Do we walk around and say – “well, I choose not to notice things like that?” Or, “that kind of thing has never happened to me or my family and friends, so it really isn’t an issue.” And, worse, hypocritically claim, “I could never or have never done anything like that.” 

The fact is, we all have blockages in the way that we see, the way we behave, etc. Our perspectives are often skewed; our actions and words incongruent. This is why we must constantly practice deep self-reflection and self-examination. In many cases, we have a lot of re-patterning to do, a lot of repair to do in terms of the educational mis-information or omissions that we built our understandings upon. I continue to have to do this re-patterning and repairing of the deficits in my own education – from history textbooks to dance textbooks and overall curriculums that intentionally and/or ignorantly omitted certain information, prioritizing the narratives and perspectives of the powerful – skewing the story.

In some of the posts I have been reading, white people often make statements such as “I don’t see color; I see the person.” I am well-familiar with these statements, and it took me a while to realize why these types of statements were an act of de-valuing people of color. Although, perhaps well-intentioned, this claim of not seeing, or not noticing is highly problematic. It is like excusing the impact or consequence of an action or actions, because of an intentional choice to not see the completeness or fullness of a situation. This translates to the equivalent of “I don’t see/I don’t notice racial discrimination.” 

This statement is understood as an invalidation of noticing that racial discrimination is a REAL and PRESENT threat that continues to significantly impact the lives of people of color. “Not seeing color” implies that you do not see the problem or issue. As well, it suggests that you do not acknowledge part of the identity of that person. Race, ethnicity, gender, heritage, and other aspects of difference, are a part of a person’s identity. To not see or notice it, is to invalidate a person’s full identity. It also frames that difference as somehow negative – something that is best left “unseen.” So, it is also insulting.

Additionally, it is some type of strange defensive exoneration of your own positionality. No one is asking YOU, specifically, if you condone racism or asking you if you are racist, that is for you to investigate on your own through deep reflection of your motivations. What you are being asked to do is to recognize and acknowledge the global reality of racism and its destructive and life/death consequences. If what you mean to say is, “I denounce and stand against any practices of racial discrimination and oppression,” then, better to say that statement, than, “I don’t see color.” There is also a responsibility to examine one’s own complicity, however subtle, in the pandemic of racism. Reflexively defaulting into a defensive mode, won’t get us any further into unpacking the problem and working towards deep change. We need to listen intently with the goal of understanding.

The undeniable reality is that discrimination on the basis of skin color has existed for centuries and it persists. Black and brown peoples, specifically, have suffered immensely on all levels because of the racial prejudice perpetually practiced by white people. Whether or not you are well-meaning or well-intended in your statements, recognize that these types of statements are invalidating and de-valuing as they lack direct and complete acknowledgement of the actual problem and issue at hand.

Similarly, I have seen posts that frequently re-direct from the central issue at hand. When the phrase racism or white supremacy is mentioned, it as though there is an automatic deflection response. If, in the scenario above, we began talking about the car damage that was done, or damage to nearby property, this would be a complete invalidation of the fact that a life was just lost. I realize this is not a perfect analogy, but you get the point. It is a bit like saying “I love you” to a person and then saying, “BUT…” Suddenly, the “I love you” statement is weakened, it loses priority as the CENTRAL focus. That small little word, "BUT..." erodes any sense of trust, sense of alliance, or deeply felt connectivity. Likewise, if the statement is "I love you, AND, I love my cat, and I love cake, I love my ceiling tiles, I love green grass, sunsets, the oceans, my friends, my siblings, cousins, etc." , the original statement "I love YOU" is weakened. What is the point of adding all of the other "loves," if you are interested in communicating solidarity and affirming that specific person? The same is true with the “All Lives Matter” statement. It dilutes the power of saying “Black Lives Matter.” Black lives have been consistently left out of “ALL Lives,” so the goal is to attend to that omission. 




As soon as there is a re-direction to focusing upon all the damage the looters are doing, it subverts the main issue at hand – which needs to be the priority focus right now. In this case, every re-direction is a way of saying, “Yes, I care, BUT…”
Why not change it to “Yes, I care,” and leave it at that! Let that be the origin, the center, the priority under which ALL other priorities or issues fall. Placing these other factors upon equal “care” is highly problematic. If someone is bleeding, you don’t start commenting upon how their blood is staining the carpet, or splattering your white walls and how that issue needs to be considered. You address the well-being of the person that is bleeding.

Again, I know that these are not perfect analogies, but they are meant to draw out some of the missteps in logic that people (white people specifically) seem to be making when they try to defend their positionality or perspective. Just embrace and understand the real problem driving this current social and cultural moment.  It is historical. It is statistical, fact-based, current and constant. Although in your particular reality, this issue may seem like a non-issue for you; understand that there are other realities, and they need to be paid attention to…WE ALL need to pay attention to them.